Infinite Monkey

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The Magnificent (Larry C. Green, October 1, 1951- September 11, 2006)

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My Father

It’s not safe
no more
You’re not here
Wasn’t safe when you were near
Wasn’t sweet
But now I crave that bitter taste

You were lost to me
The whole of my life
Now gone for good
Just as I had gotten close
Getting hotter, we said as kids
I was hot when you went cold

Slipped your hand from round my throat
To grip my heart
So the smells I once hated
Now bring me peace
The sounds of memories
Give relief
Late night drunken ramblings

The sounds of Dylan

Bring a smile to my lips
But choke my heart

I picture you papa
Teaching me to braid hair
Tell a joke
Save a life
Slit a wrist
A basic dance step
And how to live a life-
On your own terms

I miss your laugh
The trill of “no shit”
A lyrical lesson
That no one is perfect
So that sorry never burned your tongue
The way it did mine
You tried to teach me life was short
Not to take it
or yourself too seriously

You never judged

But I judged you harshly

A broken boy behind the rock of a man
And I cannot erase
Your dimples from my mind
The feel of sitting on your lap
The scent of the nap of your neck
Never more safe in Daddy’s arms

You brought me
Protection from mom’s prying eyes
An outline to equip me in my dreams
Bubblegum records, morning brownies and dry ice
Three a.m. speeches to help me see the deep
And water blue eyes I hoped to please

“Gimme sugar . . .Are you my Bay-bay”
I hear it in my sleep
“What’d I say” and “Tuck and roll”
Lifetimes of advice and embellished stories that you told

No matter how much it hurt to be your daughter
It hurts more to no longer have you as my father
I miss you

Vanessa Nix Anthony

October 2009

Happy Father’s Day Daddy, RIP.

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Written by Vanessa Nix Anthony

June 16, 2012 at 8:47 pm

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